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Miscarriage; Amy’s story

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Miscarriage; Amy’s story


We were so excited to be pregnant. I was around 11 weeks when I noticed I was bleeding. It was only a small amount but I was shocked and terrified at the sight of it. My partner was equally worried. I rang the early pregnancy unit and went for a scan the following day. It wasn’t good news. When the nurse told us our baby hadn’t grown past six weeks, and that there was no heartbeat I began to cry and felt as though I’d never be able to stop. I saw the pain in my partner’s eyes. I felt unbearably sad for our loss. I searched my brain for anything I might have done to have caused it. I ran through devastating scenarios in my head of telling our family about our loss. I struggled with knowing that the news would also hurt them.


The days following consisted of a barrage of emotions. I felt betrayed by my own body. I lay in the bath one afternoon and looked at my stomach and cried for what felt like hours. There were times when I felt ok. My partner lifted my spirits and we did laugh on occasion and focussed a lot of our attention on our pets.


When I was told that the miscarriage was complete, I felt an unexpected sense of relief. By that point a few weeks had passed and I felt more emotionally strong. I’d gone from crying multiple times a day, to celebrating the days that I’d managed not to cry. My partner and I had some difficult days, but by communicating and admitting that sometimes our emotions were beyond our control, we got through those bad days.


I still find myself feeling jealous of pregnant women. When we first found out about the loss of our baby, I couldn’t stand the thought of future pregnancies, but now some time has passed, and the shock and pain of the initial loss has settled in my heart, I no longer feel that way. I know I have a long way to go, but for now, the good days have started to outweigh the bad and I can only put that down to the passage of time, and the support of those around me. I found comfort in talking to those closest to me. Through doing so I came to learn that some had also experienced miscarriage. Sharing experiences and realising I was not alone has really helped guide me through this difficult time.


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