The first fortnight; Lucinda’s story
Lucina and Leo Lloyd
After he was checked he was placed on my chest. I had no expectation of that moment. He, it – just felt utterly new. Like a blank page. I had given birth to this new creation but somehow, I was also starting over and I wasn’t expecting it. It was a beginning for both of us.
I was struck by the fragility of my baby but also his strength, his wholeness and him-ness. I could just feel he was his own person, now very much separate from me and that I didn’t own him.
We were separated whilst I went to the theatre and he was then admitted to the neonatal unit for seven nights. Every chance I could, I asked to be with him, to feed, whisper and soothe with whatever words came; to hold his hand, sing, to stroke his hair. It all felt so fierce, so intense.
It wasn’t a rosy, pretty, soft, delicate start – it was visceral, wild, uncertain, but also glorious. Even in the midst of it all, there was so much joy, a kind of new understanding of things that were beyond words.
The first hour, the first week, even the first month – looking back – I think it’s something so unendingly full of treasure that I think it’s important to allow oneself to just be with your new baby – to sign off from the world and its distractions My advice to new mothers, is be accepting. How it all feels, how it all looks. Just be where you are.
Scroll to end to find the related article…