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The first fortnight; Lucinda’s story

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The first fortnight; Lucinda’s story

Lucina and Leo Lloyd


My son Leo’s birth was complicated. I remember the doctor saying they needed to get him out quickly. But I wasn’t frightened. My focus, my drive, my attention, it was all on my baby. Nothing else mattered – just that first sight of my boy soaring out of me. There was something breath-taking about it.

After he was checked he was placed on my chest. I had no expectation of that moment. He, it – just felt utterly new. Like a blank page. I had given birth to this new creation but somehow, I was also starting over and I wasn’t expecting it. It was a beginning for both of us.

I was struck by the fragility of my baby but also his strength, his wholeness and him-ness. I could just feel he was his own person, now very much separate from me and that I didn’t own him.

We were separated whilst I went to the theatre and he was then admitted to the neonatal unit for seven nights. Every chance I could, I asked to be with him, to feed, whisper and soothe with whatever words came; to hold his hand, sing, to stroke his hair. It all felt so fierce, so intense.

It wasn’t a rosy, pretty, soft, delicate start – it was visceral, wild, uncertain, but also glorious. Even in the midst of it all, there was so much joy, a kind of new understanding of things that were beyond words.

The first hour, the first week, even the first month – looking back – I think it’s something so unendingly full of treasure that I think it’s important to allow oneself to just be with your new baby – to sign off from the world and its distractions My advice to new mothers, is be accepting. How it all feels, how it all looks. Just be where you are.


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